In His Own Words

My friend Steve would like the chance to respond to some of my former claims on this blog.

For the sake of a male perspective, and for your own entertainment, I have agreed to post his rebuttals here.

In response to “The sound of silence”

"I'll call you tomorrow" doesn't always mean tomorrow.

It's like saying, "Yeah, see ya later."

Later is whenever the next time I see you is. So don't put much stock in that.

I've told a friend I'd call him "tomorrow" last August and didn't call until December.

And with chicks, we're afraid of looking clingy or too eager. We think it gives off a loser stench. So we lay off a little bit and try not to let her think we like her as much as we do.

Delaying the phone call is one way. And texting instead of calling. It kinda straddles the line between "I'm really busy, but I do care" and "I don't care enough about you," but we try to walk that tight rope.

If the guy says, "I'll call you tomorrow" and then calls tomorrow, early, then we think that she thinks, "Aha! Gotcha, bitch. I've got the upper hand and you're whipped. Pathetic little boy. Once again, coochie reigns supreme!"

Yeah, we think women are all diabolical, scheming vixen bitches (because they are) and we can't afford to show weakness.

So if we do call tomorrow, it's in the night. And 60/40, we'd rather text instead of call in that situation.

Or we'll wait until the afternoon after that and then call with some bullshit excuse about why we didn't call.

That's not 100% of the time.

I'd say about 10%, the guy just doesn't like you enough and you're in his "I'd hit it, but whatever" heap (Yeah, we have that. Don't confuse a chick we would hit with one we want to hit), but most of the time he's playing the leverage game, trying not to look desperate.

And we do that because we like you. But, of course, I'm sure it's got a high backfire rate.

Response to “Make him quit texting you”

Ya'll are too damn demanding.

I'm a texter. Texting is for when we want to avoid the possibility of the conversation stalling.

There really ain't much to talk about, but you wanna contact the person.

You don't want to call a chick and say, “Hey...umm...just wanted to say hi.... Yeah, the summer is cooling down. It hasn't reached 90 in a week or so.... Umm, I'm just watching TV."

Then you'd be on him saying he's boring.

Text is pressure-free and it gives him a minute to think up a response.

And dammit, give him credit because texting is hard. Spending 2 f*cking minutes to type a 10-word sentence; you're hitting 4 and you've cycled past the “G” three times.

It's like the old 1988 Nintendo controller that'd have your thumb aching after a few minutes. Appreciate that!

My friggin' thumb is killing me...because I love you.