August 8, 2007

The death of a date

So my date with the lawyer – we’ll call him “J” – went pretty well last night.

He turned out to be a nice guy who made a handful of fatal errors during the night. The date was dead.

But to be fair, J had a rough time of it in the first place, since I’m convinced the NYPD officer I'm seeing is the best thing to happen since sliced bread.

However, in your own interest, I’ve broken down the mistakes J made so you’ll know what to look for in a date that is not gonna work out … and then run away!

1. Inviting a random guy friend along.

This should have been my first blaring siren.
J told me over the phone before we met, “Oh, my friend has nothing to do so he might tag along.”

I think he ditched the idea after I made it clear that I was unimpressed, but what was he thinking? How awkward to have to impress both him and his friend! On top of that, it makes him look like he doesn’t have the balls to spend an evening alone with me.

2. Asking if yall can take your car.

His perfectly good car is sitting right there by yours. He shouldn’t ask you to drive him – he shouldn’t even want to. I know guys who feel foolish in the passenger seat and they’ll only let me drive over their dead bodies. But on a first date??

This one is especially true in my case, since I had already driven nearly 30 minutes to meet him at his place.

3. Ordering your meal for you.

This was J’s doing-in point.

I think most guys know this one – I never thought it would actually happen to me.

J and I decided – no, actually, he decided this too – that we’d split a rack of ribs at the barbeque place we were at.

When the waitress told us it came with two sides, he ordered both without even looking to me for my input!! Even the waitress looked at me, surprised by what had just happened.

4. Flirting with the waitress at dinner.

I didn’t care by this point. I knew I was far from interested and I was getting a free meal, but it was icing on the cake.

5. Coming home after the date to play video games with a friend and inviting you to watch.

But, Caroline, you say, isn’t this guy a 24-year-old lawyer?

Yes, but lots of “men” look like men when they are actually just boys. Clearly, J didn’t want to get laid last night when he made this move. If a guy is going to play video games on a date, he can at least offer to let me play.

By this time, I’d have enjoyed kicking his ass at Mario Kart!

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