August 12, 2007
Even getting the girl drunk won't help you
They say the best things are worth waiting for.
I could share many, many amusing things said by Tommy, the guy I went out with last night, but I’ll just skip to the gold nugget I received at the end, while standing beside my car:
“So, not to be awkward or anything, but, why do I get the feeling that if I leaned in to kiss you right now, you’d push me away?”
Not to be awkward, indeed. What could I tell him?
“Because your fondness for dancing makes me question your masculinity.”
“Because you insist on familiarizing me with famous bands (like the Black Crowes and the Gorillaz) that I already know, continually insulting my intelligence.”
“Because you think that telling me, ‘You don’t wear a lot of make-up like some girls,’ is a compliment.”
“Because earlier tonight, you pointed out the fact that I was checking out another guy, making our time together even more awkward.”
No, despite my beer buzz, I didn’t have the heart to use any of these reasons, so I took the high road and went with,
“Yeah, I probably would push you away. I’m just not attracted to you.”
But that wasn’t enough for Tommy. He wanted to dig himself a deeper hole.
“Well, ok, ok,” he stammered. “Is it the age difference, do you think?”
Tommy is 29 – eight years my senior. But let me assure you, his age wouldn’t be a problem if he were good-looking. Again, he asked for the truth, and he got some version of it.
“No, not really,” (I was grinning. You might think I'd feel sorry for him, but this was too funny.) “You’re just not my type.”
This turned out to be exactly what he was hoping NOT to hear, but I couldn’t feel bad when he was asking for it. With that, we went our separate ways and the date was over – I, marching off victoriously relishing my free drinks, and he, slinking off without the goodnight kiss he’d been waiting for.
For all the Tommy’s out there, I offer this advice:
If, at the end of the night, you have to ask a girl whether or not she’d kiss you, then she probably won’t. Even without your glasses, I’m pretty sure you’d see the signs if she wanted you…or wanted to run away.
Better luck next time.