August 15, 2007

The disappearing man trick

Guys seem to have mastered it, especially asshole types.

You go out, maybe several times, and you both have a great time.

You’re floating through life on a cloud, dreaming of all the possibilities and picking out names for your future children when suddenly-

he stops calling.

Just up and drops off the face of the planet.

You find yourself making excuses for him, because you know he would call unless he’d been hit by a car, or his grandma misplaced her cat, or he had to lock himself in the SLC for a week because he totally forgot about that midterm paper that’s due four weeks before midterm.

Hint: Putting the person’s life in peril is the ultimate excuse – you can’t be upset with him when he narrowly escaped doom.

I recently was talking with a friend about the police officer that hadn’t called me when she said, matter-of-factly, “Maybe he got shot on the job.”

Why didn’t I think of that?!

But even if you picture him lying in a hospital bed, you’re eventually going to run out of excuses and come to one conclusion: “WTF?”

Then you’ll have to face reality and accept that one of the following is the ACTUAL reason he hasn’t called, and never will:

A) He’s lost interest. You’re yesterday’s news, baby.
B) He’s found someone else. (Hopefully not your best friend.)
C) He discovered those very unflattering pictures of you on the Internet and changed his mind about you.
D) He took you out thinking he could get some and it took a few dates to figure out he wouldn’t, or at least not as quickly as he would have liked. (You’ll know if this one applies.)

But even if there’s a rational explanation (avoiding drama and confrontation) for his disappearance, that doesn’t make this behavior acceptable.

I’m still bitter about the guy that did it to me in high school.

“Jockstrap” and I had nothing in common.

Looking back now, it was a pretty “She’s All That” scenario, but he went out of his way to sweep me off my feet. He even offered to help me study for AP History (which he wasn’t even taking -- no surprise there).

After several dates, visits at work, holding hands in the hall between classes and some very disappointing make-out sessions (he was a terrible kisser!), I started thinking this guy was for real.

*Cue disappearing act*

Not only did he stop calling, he stopped talking to me at school -- a totally awkward situation, seeing as how we sat with the same group at lunch every day!

That’s an extreme example of a guy trying to avoid confrontation.

To be fair and balanced, I give the floor now to one of my guy friends, 21, who attempts to cover for his sex:

ChokingOnMyFoot (8:49:39 PM): i’m guessing that it’s just that we don’t wanna go through the trouble
ChokingOnMyFoot (8:53:19 PM): but idk, that’s what i think. guys probably just don’t want to go through the trouble of calling her up and maybe hearing her talking
ChokingOnMyFoot (8:53:25 PM): especially when he has no interest in her
ChokingOnMyFoot (8:53:34 PM): they probably think girls will just get the picture
ChokingOnMyFoot (8:53:46 PM): but i guess that’s the difference between guys and girls
ChokingOnMyFoot (8:53:54 PM): girls are so detail-oriented

I’ll let his words speak for themselves.

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