The media. sigh.

I apologize for my absence lately, but schoolwork has been getting the best of me this last month. And I thought senior year would be easy.

Anyway, for the sake of transparency I should share the fact that in that time I have taken myself back off the market. Or maybe it’s more factual to say my ex finally succeeded in taking me off the market.

So, alas, no more blind date sagas (sad for you, fine with me!). I’m no longer a free woman, but according to my friend Phillip, I’m still the “life of the party.”

Oh yeah — I’ve still got it.

I might have stayed away from blogging longer, but a recent plea for more entries has strengthened me for the task — this one’s for you, Athens Door Guy.

In case I haven’t mentioned this before, I work in a newsroom.

It’s interesting to witness, not only what happens IN the newsroom when people have down time, but especially what happens outside of the newsroom. Because journalists are crazy. I’ll show you what I mean.

Here is an example of a conversation that happened IN the newsroom this week:

Girl — “Hey, do you still have that big box of condoms Trojan sent us?”
Guy — “Um, yeah…”
Second Guy — “That’s awkward.”
Girl — “Can I have some more of those?”
Guy — “I already gave you some.”
Girl — “Well I used them all. Besides, you’re not using them.”
Guy sighs and goes to get them. He throws a few her way.
Guy — “Well, at least someone’s getting some. I’m glad I could sponsor some sex.”

And here is an example of a conversation that happened OUTSIDE the newsroom, but among newsroom regulars:

Guy — “Yeah, we went to Toppers and this girl was dancing on me and I thought, ‘Well, that’s very nice,” and asked her, like, ‘Oh, do you go here?’”

Girl 1 — “Why are you giving me a cupcake?”
Girl 2 — “Because I want you to eat it.”
Guy — “Hahahahaha! I’m writing that on Facebook right now!”
Girl 2 — “It’s really good, just eat it.”
Girl 1 — “I don’t want your cupcake.”
Girl 2 — “Well, SOMEBODY has to eat my cupcake.”
Guy 2 — “Now everyone’s touched it.”

Girl 1 — “Hey, I’ve got a great idea! Let’s make a new sex magazine for Athens and call it Doggy Style!”
Girl 2 — “Ooo, our first cover can be a guy in his whitey-tighties with a happy face drawn on his drawers!”
Girl 3 — “We can review vibrators and stuff.”

On second thought, those are pretty normal conversations for 21-year-olds, journalists or no. I guess this is just a lame tribute to my really funny friends. I hope my next post will be more meaningful.

Is he remotely manly?

Size is no longer the ultimate measure of manliness.

I’ve discovered a fool-proof way of determining how much of a man you’ve got on your hands.

Next time you step into his place, count the number of remotes he owns.

The more remotes, the more of a man he’s likely to be.

There’s one for the television, one for the DVD player, one for the surround sound system, one for the Xbox, one for the (insert name of a second game console of choice. Good bets are Wii or PS3).

There’s also probably at least one lying around from something he used to own but got rid of a year ago, and another with a use that befuddles even him. He probably keeps it with all the useful ones to give himself a manlier appearance.

And that’s the point, I think. You come over and, while he’s getting you a beer, try to accomplish the simple task of watching television.

Next thing you know, you’re rendered helpless by his entourage of controllers and calling his name for assistance.

That’s when he sweeps in to the rescue – double fisting remotes and clicking buttons here and there as you watch in admiration at his technological savvy.

I think real men take pride in their confusing system of controllers and the fact that only they can utilize them with any success. I, on the other hand, end up throwing one of the many remotes across the room in frustration.

Ultimately, if you can figure out how to turn on his TV set, change the component to satellite, change the channel and adjust the volume – all on your own – consider it an assessment, not of your smarts, but of his manliness.

Because real men never cease to confuse you – even when it comes to their appliances. That’s the way it was meant to be.

Dirty Dancing, Indeed

To my deep regret, I stopped into The Loft Friday night.

The spot I once enjoyed (at an earlier time in my life) now offers little more than a sweaty mass of horny freshmen, and no space to move or stand or breathe.

I went to meet up with a group of old high school friends and agreed to dance with one of them, only to discover that dancing with a guy can tell you everything you need to know about what he'll be like in bed.

It's no secret that the dancing we do downtown is just simulated sex, anyway. Like a less-than-complicated mating ritual, we can decide on the spot whether or not it's worth our wild to go home with a guy ... or duck out after one dance.

Because there are no secrets on the dance floor.

We can weed out the assholes and the virgins and the gay guys.

If he's thrusting his crotch around in a lost and confused manner, or if he seems in awe of the fact that a girl is actually willing to rub her ass against his groin for an extended period of time, you've probaby got yourself a grade A virgin.

If he's pounding you mercilessly with his denim cock (to quote Dane Cook) as if he was already doing the deed, he's probably the kind of guy who'd finish in two minutes and then get up and leave, without nary a thought to satisfying your needs.

Because if he doesn't care about your comfort and pleasure on the dance floor, he's going to care even less in bed.

The guy you want is smooth -- he wants to make you comfortable and happy, not get off inside his pants.

His dance style is gentle but firm, and he knows how to put the moves on you without violating your space.

My friend was not this guy.

His dance style -- which amounted to beating me with his crotch -- told me he was both a virgin and a two minute man.

I soon turned tail and moved on in search of better mate material, a little sorer than before.

Even getting the girl drunk won't help you

They say the best things are worth waiting for.

I could share many, many amusing things said by Tommy, the guy I went out with last night, but I’ll just skip to the gold nugget I received at the end, while standing beside my car:

“So, not to be awkward or anything, but, why do I get the feeling that if I leaned in to kiss you right now, you’d push me away?”

Not to be awkward, indeed. What could I tell him?

“Because your fondness for dancing makes me question your masculinity.”

“Because you insist on familiarizing me with famous bands (like the Black Crowes and the Gorillaz) that I already know, continually insulting my intelligence.”

“Because you think that telling me, ‘You don’t wear a lot of make-up like some girls,’ is a compliment.”

“Because earlier tonight, you pointed out the fact that I was checking out another guy, making our time together even more awkward.”

No, despite my beer buzz, I didn’t have the heart to use any of these reasons, so I took the high road and went with,

“Yeah, I probably would push you away. I’m just not attracted to you.”

But that wasn’t enough for Tommy. He wanted to dig himself a deeper hole.

“Well, ok, ok,” he stammered. “Is it the age difference, do you think?”

Tommy is 29 – eight years my senior. But let me assure you, his age wouldn’t be a problem if he were good-looking. Again, he asked for the truth, and he got some version of it.

“No, not really,” (I was grinning. You might think I'd feel sorry for him, but this was too funny.) “You’re just not my type.”

This turned out to be exactly what he was hoping NOT to hear, but I couldn’t feel bad when he was asking for it. With that, we went our separate ways and the date was over – I, marching off victoriously relishing my free drinks, and he, slinking off without the goodnight kiss he’d been waiting for.

For all the Tommy’s out there, I offer this advice:

If, at the end of the night, you have to ask a girl whether or not she’d kiss you, then she probably won’t. Even without your glasses, I’m pretty sure you’d see the signs if she wanted you…or wanted to run away.

Better luck next time.

Sex In My City

Finally, after residing in New York for two months, I am living my very own "Sex & The City" episode.

Tonight, I have a dinner date with a wicked funny lawyer.

Wednesday night, I'm going out with a sweet, hot firefighter.

Thursday night, I'm getting drinks in the city with an old high school "friend" who "can't wait to see me."

The goods keep coming, and I couldn't be having more fun meeting new men every week.

Which makes me wonder -- is it better to stay single while you're a young, attractive 20-something? If you're in a serious relationship at this point, are you missing out while you're in your prime?

Being with just one person offers its own comforts -- having someone to rely on, lean on, laugh with, cry with. It's what we're all seeking...eventually.

But investing too much in one person while you're young doesn't do much to help you find out what you really want in a life partner.

Yeah, you like the way he surprises you and runs his fingers through your hair, but others guys may do that too, and they might be a better match for you. You'll never know if you don't get back out there and find 'em!

Of course, no one can help it if they find a great guy and want to be his girlfriend. Life's like that. But there are definite advantages of being unfettered in a world full of attractive men, and each one can show you a little bit of what you ultimately want in a man when the time comes.

To be sure, my time isn't coming any time too soon!

Playing with fire

Remember when Samantha hooks up with that really hot New York fireman on “Sex in the City”?

I went out with one Saturday night.

Ok, so the firefighter gig is only a volunteer thing, but it definitely got my engines revving. He’s actually NYPD fulltime.

The “Officer” took me to Dave & Buster’s. It had to be the best first date I’ve ever been on – let me explain the genius of going to an arcade for an initial encounter.

Instead of forcing conversation while the two of you stare across the table at dinner with nothing to distract yourselves but stuffing your faces (attractive), you have games.

Loads of them.

You can play air hockey, shoot aliens, race cars, play pool. And you can drink while doing all of this, except the place isn’t as loud as a regular bar, and there are fewer hot girls around to steal his attention.

Another plus: you can make wagers.

For example, “If I kick your ass on this round, we have to do this again.”

One word of caution, however – whatever he picks for his side of the bet will probably be dirty. Make sure you like the guy before suggesting a wager.

D&B isn’t the cheapest of dates, but it’s worth every penny if the guy’s any fun at all. It’s easier to split than a dinner bill – if he ponies up the cash for the games, you can offer to buy drinks.

I leave you with one final thought: there’s nothing sexier than watching a really hot policeman shoot things on a screen.

Sure, your character died during the first two minutes of play, but now you can watch him play. And that's even better than winning.

Athens = Dates-R-Us

Athens is a college town.

You may not appreciate that fact until it’s too late, but let me tell you how fortunate you are to be spending four years (at minimum) of your life in such a place.

Dating will never again be this easy.

I am currently living in a suburb of New York City, where housing is pricey, along with everything else. That means the people who live here and pay those prices are old, married people and their kids.

There is a village up the street from me, not even 5 minutes away, that is very similar to downtown Athens – bars, restaurants, boutiques. It’s very cute, and thriving, except for one thing. The people who frequent it are those very same old, married people and their kids.
It is overrun by the old and the young, but no one in between.

When you go out on a Thursday night in Athens, you can feel confident that the majority of the people you run into at the bars are others students, likely in their early twenties or maybe shy a few years.

That’s what makes a college town so special.

Out here in the “real world,” you’ve got to weed the potentially 20-sometings out of a sea of 30-somethings, their 17-year-old kids and 59-year-old pervs. And no one says you’re going to find what you’re looking for at the end of the night.

I’ve had the hardest time meeting people here, whereas every girl knows how easy it is to go out in Athens and talk to many people and likely have a cute guy buying your drinks by the end of the night. College guys’ desire for hookups – even if you have no intention of relinquishing that privilege – makes it easy to feel confident and spend a night out free of charge.

If you go out alone here, regardless of how hot you are, you may very well stay solo throughout the night. These guys have moved past that crucial hook-up mentality, or so it seems.
To compound the problem, drinks are expensive. Beer is rarely less than $5, and a long island iced tea goes for $10 or more. The guys aren’t exactly reaching for their wallets on the hope you might be worth it.

This is the reason I just can’t take Sex and the City seriously any more – how could they have so many dates??

So enjoy it while it lasts, ladies! Take advantage of penny beer nights, scope the masses of young, available and willing young men at your finger tips in this lovely town de college.

It’ll be over before you know it, and soon you’ll be sitting at a bar, alone, trying to avoid that 59-year-old….

Flying Solo

Bars can be a rough social scene for a single female.
It’s sink or swim out there, and the sharks aren’t the scary bit -- it’s voluntarily putting yourself in a position where you feel like an outsider to everyone in your vicinity.

So how can a single chica navigate the bar scene on her own?
First, look at the bright side -- being on your own makes you more approachable for guys, and more noticeable if you play your cards right. It also means you can move easily from group to group without worrying about a gal pal.

Here are some tips to keep you from drowning in the social undercurrent:

-Locate the right kind of bar.
You’re out to meet people, so pick a place where the music isn’t too loud. Also steer clear of places where people tend to sit in private booths (like Copper Creek), where you won’t be able to approach them.
I suggest AllGood, Barcode and the Arches, where people often stand and there’s plenty of open space to move about.

-Pick the perfect perch.
You need people to notice you, so don’t sit at the end of the bar or in a tucked-away corner booth. You’ll look like you don’t want to be bothered. Pick a stool near the entrance or stand in an open area between the bar and the door. If you sit at the bar, sit sideways or turned facing opposite the bar -- facing the bar shuts others out and sends the wrong message.
It’s also important to make it obvious you are alone. Don’t put your purse on the neighboring bar stool or keep watching the door. If it looks like you’re waiting on a date, guys will be scared to approach you. If they can see you’re solo, they’ll be intrigued -- why is such a good-looking lady without company, anyway?

-Don’t rely on liquid courage.
You’re buying your own drinks, so hopefully you’ll sip them slowly! It’s tempting to rely on alcohol for the guts to start talking, but if you get sloppy you’ll drive people away from you, not to you. Also, if you always have a drink in front of you, you close the door on an easy entrance for interested guys -- offering to buy you another.

-Most importantly, don’t be afraid to meet people.
Yeah, it’s hard to approach strangers, but look for a group of two or three people who are conversing openly. Avoid couples or those huddled in intense conversation. You may want to ask what they’re drinking to get the ball rolling, but steer clear of creepy cliches, like “Do you come here often?” You’ll find that the more people you approach, even if you only talk to them briefly, the easier it will become. And remember, what’s the worst that can happen if they aren’t interested in talking to you?
They missed out on your sexy self!