Lauren: “I think that everyone can change if the right person comes along, and I think that every girl wants to be that person. Every girl wants to be the one girl that can change that guy.”
Lo: “But why do you have to have a guy that you have to change? Don’t you want to meet someone who’s good already?”
Well, that’s the idea – to find someone who’s already a good guy. But it doesn’t always work like that, does it?
What the girls from The Hills failed to mention is that good is rarely good enough. When we finally settle down and decide to marry someone, that’s us saying, "Hey. You’re good enough."
But nobody likes to settle, so when you find someone who has some qualities you like or admire, it’s only natural to try to elicit some others that he's lacking. Every possible beau requires you to weight the pros and cons: he’s got these things going for him, but he’s missing those.
It makes sense that we’d want to tip the scale a bit in a good guy’s favor. That’s why we never stop hoping we can squeeze some more potential out of him.
And I agree with Lauren – it’s a kind of fantastical thought to change a bad boy into a good one. To tame the wild child, if you will. But it is usually just that – a fantasy. The kind of thing country songs are made of.
Don’t get me wrong – people can change. But they have to want to change, and many times the things we hope to alter are too intimately connected to who they are.
You want him to be more frugal with his money, but you love his generous nature.
You want him to be more mature, but you love his silly sense of humor.
You keep hoping he’ll call you when he says he will, but…
wait, he should definitely change that!
The point is, some things about a person aren’t going to change. If you can’t see yourself dealing with those things if they don't change, you’ll have to accept defeat and move on.
Because a healthy relationship means losing the battle.
It means seeing a person for everything he is – the parts you love and the parts you wish you could change – and just accepting him.
It means saying, “You’re more than good enough.”