September 3, 2007

Dirty Dancing, Indeed

To my deep regret, I stopped into The Loft Friday night.

The spot I once enjoyed (at an earlier time in my life) now offers little more than a sweaty mass of horny freshmen, and no space to move or stand or breathe.

I went to meet up with a group of old high school friends and agreed to dance with one of them, only to discover that dancing with a guy can tell you everything you need to know about what he'll be like in bed.

It's no secret that the dancing we do downtown is just simulated sex, anyway. Like a less-than-complicated mating ritual, we can decide on the spot whether or not it's worth our wild to go home with a guy ... or duck out after one dance.

Because there are no secrets on the dance floor.

We can weed out the assholes and the virgins and the gay guys.

If he's thrusting his crotch around in a lost and confused manner, or if he seems in awe of the fact that a girl is actually willing to rub her ass against his groin for an extended period of time, you've probaby got yourself a grade A virgin.

If he's pounding you mercilessly with his denim cock (to quote Dane Cook) as if he was already doing the deed, he's probably the kind of guy who'd finish in two minutes and then get up and leave, without nary a thought to satisfying your needs.

Because if he doesn't care about your comfort and pleasure on the dance floor, he's going to care even less in bed.

The guy you want is smooth -- he wants to make you comfortable and happy, not get off inside his pants.

His dance style is gentle but firm, and he knows how to put the moves on you without violating your space.

My friend was not this guy.

His dance style -- which amounted to beating me with his crotch -- told me he was both a virgin and a two minute man.

I soon turned tail and moved on in search of better mate material, a little sorer than before.

3 comments:

AthensDoorGuy said...

ah, the loft. it seemed everywhere on friday was a mass of drunken, sweaty freshman, though. but this just one doorguys opinion.

Stephen said...

"If he's pounding you mercilessly with his denim cock (to quote Dane Cook) as if he was already doing the deed, he's probably the kind of guy who'd finish in two minutes and then get up and leave, without nary a thought to satisfying your needs."

1. I like that you're getting more explicit on the blog.

2. Ya'll are so selfish. Two minutes is a long time. In fact, about 90 seconds of that is the guy going out of his way. When we're focused and really into it, all we need is a few seconds. Depending on how hot she is, we can cum by accident just thinking about it while ya'll get undressed. Never happened to me (not that I'd admit it here), but I've heard.

2. How do you know that the guy is just a bad dancer? Maybe the thump-n-hump is his best move. And it depends on the chick. There are some freeeeeak bitches out there. At my 8th grade prom, I was dancing with this girl who was slamming her ass on my crotch. I didn't even know her. I just saw that she was dirty dancing with all the guys and I wanted in. She's probably got 5 kids and herpes by now. But... different folks.

3. That probably wasn't your friend from high school, just a horny freshman pretending he knew you from way back. He got him some gooooood pretend-fuck. Did he whip out a cigarette afterwards and say, "I'll call you tomorrow, baby"?

Amanda said...

ooo, which friend from high school was this? ;)