April 7, 2008

A guide to cyber civility

Today I received a comment from a reader about one of my earlier posts in which I gave examples of the asinine messages guys used to send me when I was part of the online dating scene last summer. Here is what Spike had to say:

So you think men like myself should not like Even try ? hah well this guy =) didint find anything to discribe his love and feelings towards you , so he sent a noble =) . :D anyways im not really sure if your making fun of them , cause it was not clear .

But do you have any better ideas that might actually get your attention online :D

Ayy Take care now
Alaa.


Thanks, Spike. You make a good point.

In addition to telling men how they’ve gotten it wrong, I should have instructed them on how to get it right. So here it is.

The problem with many or all of the messages I introduced as horrific examples of online conversation was that they didn't even attempt to elicit a response.

When you send a message to a woman you’re interested in, I’m assuming your goal is to convince her to respond — an indication that she may be interested, too.

(If your point isn’t to get her to respond, I’m not sure what your point could be other than to waste her time.)

I wrote my last blog post on this subject to illustrate that many men were messaging me apparently without this goal in mind.

How exactly am I supposed to reply to “MMMM…..yummy!” ?

And why would I even want to?

Like all other types of dating, online dating is a game, and it helps to know how to play. So here are some good rules to follow:

1. Remember that there is an actual person on the receiving end of your message, and this is a first impression. Treat it that way. You should check your spelling, be courteous and respectful and generally try to connect with this person.

2. Say something about yourself. I don’t need a biography, just something interesting that makes me care to learn more. A first name is always a good start, since it's awkward conversing with a nameless stranger.

3. Show your interest. Mention something you read in her profile or how you live in the same area of town. This shows that you aren't just contacting her because her photos are hot. Even if you are just contacting her because her photos are hot, she'll be more likely to respond if you maintain the illusion that you care about more than her physical appearance.

4. If you choose to comment on her physical appearance, be general and decent. Many girls don’t want to hear that they “have a nice rack.” This, of course, depends on what kind of site you’re on… To send an acceptable message, stick to “You look very beautiful" or “You have a nice smile.” These are not clichés — no girl gets tired of hearing these things.

5. Try funny. This doesn't always go over well, which might deter some guys from cracking jokes. But funny is one of the foundations of flirting! If you can make her laugh or even crack a grin, you're halfway there. And if not, it wouldn't work out anyway. You need someone who meshes with your sense of humor.

6. Ask a question. This shows you're interested in more than her great rack, and it also makes her more likely to respond. Just don't ask too many — she may not want to write you an essay in response.

7. Be intelligent. "MMMM...yummy!" is my case in point.

This is a lot to digest, but the key to remember is that online conversation is very much like regular conversation. Many of these rules also apply to making a good first impression if you were meeting someone face-to-face.

I’ll leave you with an example of a well-written cyber message:

Hi, I’m Jared. I read on your profile that you’re learning to water ski. Where do you ski?
I’ve been going to Lake Lanier to ski every summer since I was a kid, but I haven't had time lately because I'm opening a surf shop. Don't worry, I'm not a beach bum (yet!).
I'd like to get a chance to learn more about each other — IM me sometime if you want to chat. My screen name is Jared815.


OK, so Jared wasn't very funny, but there's a good chance he'll get a reply, so he can always try again next time.

At least he didn't go the way of his peers and write, "I've got a ski for you..."

42 comments:

1023 said...

welcome to join us!!聊天室........................................

幸運之神 said...

不要把生命看得太嚴肅,反正我們不會活著離開。 ..................................................

哭泣 said...

淫蕩淫慾淫亂淫婦淫妹淫叫淫水淫女情慾情色做愛限制級波霸口交18禁貼圖寫真視訊援交露點爆乳潮吹裸體裸照裸女愛愛無碼尋夢視訊聊天a漫a片a圖一夜情一葉情

pass said...

性愛巴士線上看sex性愛85cc性愛紅爺性愛本土美女性愛銀赫歐美av線上歐美av線上看歐美女自慰歐美成人女星歐美成人片女星歐美成人免費線上歐美成人情色歐美色情圖貼歐美免費成人電影歐美免費成人影片觀看歐美免費自拍歐美免費做愛片歐美免費情色影片模特兒平台標題樣?嫚雪兒免費小說影片avi影片a直播影片下?影片分享fuck影片成人片影片成人免費影片收尋成人小說 言情小說 情色自拍漫畫貼圖

明宏明宏 said...

thank for share, it is very important . ̄︿ ̄..................................................

v辰原 said...

I love readding, and thanks for your artical.........................................

1hose韻如ak09r_cruickshan said...

若對自己誠實,日積月累,就無法對別人不忠了。........................................

LonnyAa1105podac said...

A contented mind is a perpetual feast. ....................................................

東慶天芳 said...

每個人生命中都可能遇到貴人,這些貴人不一定真的尊貴,他可能是陌生人,也可能是你的敵人。........................................

KimberelyM14165 said...

原來這世上能跟你共同領略一個笑話的人竟如此難得........................................

韋于倫成 said...

真正的愛心,是照顧好自己的這顆心。........................................

皓珊 said...

5278av影片 洪爺自拍密錄館影音視訊聊天室 a片下載 彩虹視訊交友網 後宮電影線上a片免費看 xvediox 歐美av無碼影片下載 男人幫論壇 av 短片免費看 紅櫻桃愛情小說 援交友留言桃園無碼a片 網愛交友網elove kk777視訊俱樂部 影音視訊聊天室 完美女人視訊聊天室 383成人34c檳榔西施自拍照片 wii無雙遊戲網,電玩快打小遊戲 sex520免費電影 show-live視訊85cc 視訊聊天 18成人貼圖區 新竹援交自拍 qq 美女貼圖片區 ol 線上免費影片 辣妹有約台北援交 視訊交友高雄網 視訊聊天花漾 mmbox視訊網 無碼dvd,夜未眠成人影城 聊天室ilover99 jpkiss 線上成人影片 aio 網路交友愛情館 台灣18成人網 豆豆出租情人視訊 黑澀會美眉的即時通 xx369色女人專用 aaio辣妹視訊 交友聊天室meet520 微風成人vi467 視訊情人辣妹080 18免費成人影城 080視訊聊天室swam 禁忌書屋成人小說網 人妻的秘密結局 百分百成人圖片區 台南視訊 人妻AV影片 av影片,比基尼美女的奶 電話網愛視訊交友 18禁遊戲

韋于倫成 said...

憂能傷身,保重哦!........................................

志其志其 said...

愛情是一種發明,需要不斷改良。只是,這種發明和其他發明不一樣,它沒有專利權,隨時會被人搶走。..................................................

LeanneC珮瑜 said...

失去金錢的人,失去很多;失去朋友的人,失去更多;失去信心的人,失去所有。............................................................

hernande said...

Custom makes all things easy~~加油哦.........................

寧年寧年 said...

It is easier to get than to keep it...................................................................

曉薇 said...

嘿,你的部落格不錯耶~~只是想跟您問聲好!! .................................................................

宛君宛君 said...

喜歡你的部落格,留言請您繼續加油.................................................................

江婷 said...

一棵樹除非在春天開了花,否則難望在秋天結果。.................................................................

茹希茹希 said...

欣賞是一種美德~回應是最大的支持^^....................................................................

葉婷 said...

當一個人內心能容納兩樣相互衝突的東西,這個人便開始變得有價值了。............................................................

宥妃宥妃 said...

Hello~安安唷~很高興見到你哦!!............................................................

珮君 said...

blog不錯唷~我會常常來看的~加油~!! ..................................................................

育隆 said...

命運,就是自己行為的結果。..................................................

吳婷婷 said...

我們老得太快,卻聰明得太遲。..................................................

幸雨幸雨 said...

當你真心渴望某一樣東西,整個宇宙都會聯合起來幫助你。..................................................

王美妹 said...

人生的「三部曲」應該是無愧的昨天,充實的今天,與充滿希望的明天。..................................................

王美妹 said...

廢話不多,祝你順心~^^............................................................

林彥以林彥以 said...

你的部落內容真棒,一定要持續下去! ............................................................

錢靜怡錢靜怡錢靜怡 said...

~~天天開心~~祝您快樂~~............................................................

夏瓊陳詩蓁富 said...

傻氣的人喜歡給心 雖然每次都被笑了卻得到了別人的心..................................................................

允黃淑 said...

時間就是塑造生命的材料。

凱許倫 said...

Learning makes life sweet.

雅佳謙筑 said...

時間就是塑造生命的材料。

沈貞李添睿儀 said...

Poverty is stranger to industry..............................................

筱陳婷 said...

Quality is better than quantity...................................................................

冠陳儒 said...

I love readding, and thanks for your artical.............................................................

佳張張張張燕張張張張張 said...

時間就是靈魂的生命。................. ................................................

翊翊翊翊張瑜翊翊翊 said...

死亡是悲哀的,但活得不快樂更悲哀。. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

孟湖聿軒 said...

婚姻對男人來說是賭他的自由,對女人而言卻是賭她的幸福。............................................................

王怡迪 said...

初次拜訪,祝你人氣一百分